If I'm gonna ask myself as to what am I good at, I would think of the word.... pretending.
Yes, all my life, I've been struggling to survive and be an expert when in comes to independency.
It flatters me whenever I hear my friends and acquaintances say that I'm a tough woman.
I've been through a LOT.
Trials, frustrations, failures, rejection, and betrayal... to name a few.
However, I consider them as part of the challenges in life.
Some people come and go...some people will stay til the end, and some people will just pass by to teach you valuable lessons in life.
Experiences which will mold your personality and make you somewhat invincible.
But no matter how strong these challenges have made me become who I am... still,to no avail, there's a weak part of me that supersedes my drive for this battle-- emotion.
If it's my birth month (February) or my birth year (Year of the Rabbit) is to blame, that, I do not know.
It's sickening to think that despite the hardships and sufferings I've familiarized myself with, in just one snap of this stupid emotion, it'll just break me down.
And with that, how I feel sorry for myself to be defeated of my utmost willpower to strive for my existence. In the end, I will still be the one to reap all the failures.
I can't count on how million times I tried to fake a smile-or I guess, tried my very best to cover the pain so that it won't be too obvious to other people about what I am going through.
Many times, I've thought of destroying myself as I've come to the ultimate peak of giving up.
Many nights, I've wondered how far will I ever tolerate this.
It's so hard to keep on forcing myself to be happy.
Because the truth is, I am more than being empty and filled with sadness.
Feels like the whole world is pointing its fingers at me.
Blaming me and only myself for being miserable.
I've tried to scream alone as no one will and no has surely heard of me.
I've cried a river of tears, knowing that it could somehow ease the burden in my heart.
I'm getting tired of fighting.
I'm getting tired of pretending that I am okay-because I'M NOT. :'(
