Goodbye,year of the rabbit!

Year 2011 -the year of the RABBIT, has given me a lot of surprises. Challenges in life that are worth giving a damn good fight for. I swear I would have given up on the first quarter of this year if not for the knowledge of getting a better life on the 2nd quarter and onwards.... :)


Starting from December 2010 until March 2011,  I considered myself to be super broke. No work or career.No money.No family.Not even a place of my own.

Before my working visa has been released, it felt like it took me a million years of hopeless waiting and I was so close to praying for any miracle. :'(

I began to realize what I did in the past for me to end up being so messed up and helpless... T_T


But now, even though I can't perfectly say that I'm all good, I still want to say I've been so much blessed this year.Thank you Lord for giving me such a wonderful year to spend and enjoy. Year 2011, you've been so good to me! Trials may have come along my journey that brought me sadness and tears, but these made me stronger and so much prepared for whatever challenges life has to offer.

I cannot count all the blessings that God has bestowed upon me this year. Successfully reaching my goal of working abroad and having a stable career is one of the best things I had this year. I've been blessed with new friends..most of them whom I can count on and share with my ups and downs. I am overly thankful for having good buddies even though knowing them is still in a neophyte phase. In friendship, it doesn't matter how short you've known someone , but it's how deep the relationship you have developed over time.


I can't put into words of what I'm feeling right now..Mixed emotions, I guess. In one way or another, I am optimistic that 2012 will also  grace me with such a bountiful time not only for myself but also to all of my loved ones and the people whom I cared so much for.

I am looking forward to reach the goals I have set for the next year...and hopefully, I can make them happen within the year as well.. :)


Everything paid off...and now...another year of exciting journey has just begun.... ^_^



HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Goodbye year of the RABBIT!...Hello year of the DRAGON!   Let's start this year 2012 with a bang!!!

Fighting!!! ^_^

Escape

I could hardly understand myself these past few weeks...

I get overly distracted...with some sudden switch of mood...and an impulsive decision-making thingy.

Getting easily annoyed and bitter over simple things.


I hate such feeling of depression that strikes like lightning; hurts like my heart is repeatedly hit by a hammer and then feeling the blood flowing down through my veins that activates this rushing adrenaline...

But I'm still trying my best to compose something...
Something worth being  read...
Out from nowhere .... the idea pops into my head.

I can come up with a LOT of words....adjectives to be exact--  that could best describe what I am feeling right now.....

Upset.
Discouraged.
Disappointed.
Bitter.
Envious.


And all these leads me to feel some  sort of emptiness....Like I'm:

Being rejected.
Unworthy.
Undesirable.
Being taken for granted.
and
Blaming myself and undergoing self-pity.



With this sudden realization that my thoughts are really not that bounty.
Right before my very eyes,instantly,I'm beginning to reflect why am I doing this.



It's definitely not just an ordinary self-assumption  but rather a hostile feeling of being stuck in between these abrasive twists and turns of life.

It's hard to arrange my thoughts, put it into words and make it like a professional girl's blogsite.



For some reason, I'd like to find my way out --- far from this labyrinth.

And this makes me feel sad ...makes me feel bad...makes me feel mad
(Coz I can't have all I have wanted and asked).