A moment of reflection

Today's supposed to be my rest day /holiday . But here I am, still awake and doing another blog post instead of log-rolling myself and snoring to death on bed. I admit, I feel so down now-- that's why I'm into this kind of outlet AGAIN  early this morning...(sigh)


DISCLAIMER:

At this very moment, the idea just popped up in my head and I then decided to write about it. So, don't wonder if the arrangement of my sentences doesn't make sense anymore, okay?


Now, where  should I begin??? lol


Well, let me share some personal information by reflecting about the crucial part of my life's story:


FAMILY

 Being the eldest, my family and relatives' expectation is so high ( as in grabeh!) that I feel so pressured. Especially when I'm being compared to my other cousins ( na konti na lang, mukhang magiging 200 na ang mga  IQ nila).


The only daughter ( of my parents)-- I've tried to make some sacrifices for my two younger brothers ( which I feel that it's underappreciated ). I won't enumerate those anymore.


The prodigal daughter ( actually, it's only with my father). I'm miss pasaway, to the point that I'd do whatever it takes just for my will to be done. I left the house and got on AWOL for 2 years. hehehe





CAREER

I've launched my career in Pagadian City being a clinical instructor as my first job after I passed the NLE (2007).I only stayed there for 2 semesters. I've also tried to work as a staff nurse in a hospital and only lasted for 3 months.When I moved back to Tarlac (2008), I discovered a different career in the BPO industry. That's when I began to work as a Technical Support Representative in Pampanga and I survived my first call center company for 16months. Of course, soon enough when I started to look for  a better compensation, I then moved to Manila (2009) and found another company but still, being a TSR. As history doesn't repeat itself, I finally placed my resignation and moved ( again) to different place. This time, it was in Baguio (2010). My 3 months of stay while working as an ESL-online instructor (for Koreans) was all worth it (I truly mean it!). I've met a lot of people and a new circle of friends.I could  not say it was the best part of my life. However, I really made the most out of it.


After the long wait...this year, (at last) I've successfully made it to work here in Malaysia. I know this is not the end. It's only the beginning of a much greater challenges in life. I may have not succeeded in pursuing a career as a nurse, but the important thing is, I do enjoy my work and I know I can give my fullest potential in this field.



SOCIETY


I was well traveled back in the Philippines that's why I have different set of friends from all walks of life. I have no preference when it comes to making friends except  for a thing: you should be for REAL. What I mean by that is, I want someone whom you can put your trust and faith. In short, ayoko ng plastik.


Ever since, my life has been an open-book to many people. So, it's no wonder why many people intrude my personal life too.


I just let them do their thing...  as long as I'm happy and they don't mess up with me,  I don't  mind them at all.
I believe that everyone must have their own boundaries and/or limitations.



LOVELIFE

I had my first boyfriend ( with my mom's approval) when I was in 4th year high school.Me and Lhanz only lasted for more than a month but we eventually ended up still being good buddies.I won't be elaborating further on the other guys I had relationships with since they're not much of an importance. Too much heartache and frustration wouldn't be a good thing to talk about. There was this guy named Ton2x ( we lasted for a year) whom I had a romantic involvement with when I was in second year college.My longest relationship lasted for about 3 years--with Clark. We decided to break up since constant arguments did not make our relationship healthy back then. Yeah, until now, we still communicate once in a while.But I don't foresee any possibility of getting back together.Maybe because of the geographical distance we have right now. With all fairness, I learnt a lot from him and it made me more matured when it comes to taking a full responsibility of my actions.And then there was Mark.We've been together for a year but again, I finally broke off with him for some personal reasons.




All my past relationships had these ups and downs.
I gained so much experience on how to handle different problems of the heart and I thought it would be enough to make me stronger.
But then again, I was wrong...So wrong.


For I am facing another love issue and I  think this is new to me. I feel so helpless and dumb.




One of my status post in Facebook goes: " I like you but it isn't enough to make you mine..."   =(  





A big thanks to my friend Caz, ( who's actually gonna have her flight to Singapore this Friday), who gave me some enlightenment and encouragement as well, that I can surpass whatever it is about the matters of the heart.

And here are some of her words of wisdom:

"hayaan m na.. trust your instincts na lang."

" 'wag ka maconfuse sa pagmamahal at pakikisama"

But here's the most interesting part:

"learn to play with fire,okies?hehehe.

naku db dapat xa ang mas lalo maapektuhan at d ikaw?"

** Caz, thank you for the advice.I was just so shocked with the way our conversation went through  a while back. I hope to see you soon in SG. ^_^

** I started making this blog around 3AM  and now it's past 6 in the morning.Well, this is all for now and I'll  be posting some more 'til next time...=)